Thus Spoke Sassafras!

My brain: *stop rehashing, the jig is up* 

I am about to rewrite a blog that I have already written, only the manuscript is threadbare, and that version was more or less like Flowers for Algernon's opening, I was dyslexic. Before I rewrite this, I should have a cup of homemade Latte, listen to Coffee Table Jazz, and open Safari in order for me to get things off my chest. 

"So Sassafras it is huh? let us know Emed," says a bunch of Aiesec friends, after a little confession game besides a bonfire they have lit up. 

Sassafras was my cousin. My friend. I was her unrequited lover, and I was a dork for not realizing it. We have been together since our getting out of our mothers' embryonic sacks. We had not suckled together nor we had shared suckling from the same breast, though it does not mean shit to me. 

Anyway, we have grown up together, and piggy-backed each other through tough times. She was a great singer. A very very great singer that I have never beheld or pondered someone that could outdo her musical prowess. *perhaps I'm writing out of emotions, but she really is there in the pantheon of the greatest voices*. Her voice was angelic. Outré to those who’ve had the chance to witness her. They’d, enthusiastically, talk about how she would literally turn our whole life into a piece of a prolonged rhapsody with spontaneous lyrics. Her mischiefs were never something I'd oppose to. They might screw us both up, but you just cannot resist that beautiful meagre creature, giving you the puss-in-boots look every time she wants to convince you. 

She was otherworldly sagacious. Very seldom that I find people with that sort of wisdom. I could still remember this one time, when we were invited to her classmate’s party or more of a stupid cheap and cheerful gathering. Her friends were so clingy and extrovert, and she’d constantly tell me to care less about their attitudes. She gave me the puss-in-boots look that I found myself amenable to do one of her reckless shenanigans again. We almost smoked a fucking tampon. We were inordinately intoxicated that she started singing gibberish that still makes sense to me, as I was maudlin. 

The next morning, we sobered up and decided to go to a circus. We watched a boring Trapeze show, that people seem to have enjoyed. we sit in one of her friends car behind the carnival, and she could not stop laughing at the other day’s foolishness of ours. But she seemed less pesky about it, although some things were uncalled for; her ex-boyfriend was also there. She did not tell me at first but I got why she did not want to. He was a dork, not really, dorks can still be witty and sagacious but he was an ignoramus. He was the kind of showy frat boys, who would brag about how many girls he has slept with. But she loved him, and she still did. she is fragile and emotionally-wrecked just like I was. 

I took her to a grocery store and bought her snacks, she loved food. In fact, food were her antidote whenever she is to face her bouts of despair. I knew that if I leave her, she’d break down and feel despondent again. And whenever she gets irritated, I do stand by her side even if it takes wallops, sucker-punches, and biting sometimes. But she comes back every time it happens and apologize. I hug her so tightly and make sure she has someone in her life who’d face the world and say “fuck it!” for kajillion times. She has become resilient after her past mistakes, with the dork and some of his coevals. She resented her past relationships, as they brought her nothing but doldrums and melancholy. 

At the time, I was in a complicated relationship with one of my classmates. I would spend time with her quite often, but I would also make sure I come back and check on my Sassafras. To be honest, I wanted to consummate our relationship. I had this urge to have sex with that girl, not realizing that Sassafras had a thing for me. Alas! I was too indulged in my own predicaments totally ignoring hers. She underwent acute hardships, and they would accumulate time after time, in her class, her household, her part-time job, everywhere she goes, her life was becoming her anathema. I was her only outlet. Only that I, too, was going a slippery slope taken by my new girlfriend. She had no one else to talk to. She met some cool guy in her part-time job but he proved to be a cheating dork too. 

I got accepted in an internship in Poland with Aiesec, and I was ready to bail out. On my way to Rabat, where the embassy is, to take my passport, she sent me a message. But I could not read it, as I was doing a video call with my girlfriend. I arrived and she tried to call me whilst I was in the queue waiting for my turn. I put the silent mode on. I got my visa, came out a little delighted, and I was about to call her and talk to her for a moment. I got distracted by one my family members that I came with. One of them gets a call from my mom. I realized the caprice in their face. 

Oh’ Dear! She committed suicide. 

I was so scared, the mood changed and I fell into bouts of sudden depression. Doldrums hit again and I could not believe myself. I felt nauseous and I puked. 

I went to a bar and there was this girl singing. she had a good voice, but not as good as Sassafras’s which makes me even sadder. I tried to overcome that shocking feeling. Only that it got amplified. I remembered her message, I went to read it. 

“ I miss you Emad, I’m so sad that you’re leaving. I kinda need someone to talk to, and I only got you. I feel like everyone is against me. Please! pick up your phone I’ve been calling you for the umpteenth time. Call me back immediately!” - Thus Spoke Sassafras. 

P.S: Now I have a good friend that I call Sassafras, that I care about as she reminds me of her. I never told her this story, but if she stumbles upon this I would want her to know that I’ll always make sure that she has someone to always talk to. 

P.S2: the title is a wordplay on Nietzsche’s “Thus Spoke Zarathustra”, read it, it’s so great.

P.S3: Flowers for Algernon if one of the best epistolary stories, it was Sassafras’s favorite